We Need Sunday School Lessons About Captain Marvel

Move over Moroni, there’s a new Captain in town!

Yesterday, I celebrated Woman’s Day and Woman’s Month together with my yappy friends by scrolling through popular white male celebrities I hate on Twitter and saying horrible things about them. But we made sure to also watch what is literally the best movie ever made. It’s Captain Marvel, and it’s a story about a gorgeous woman who magically gains strength and saves the world, because everyone else is too weak and pitiful to save themselves. I find this message incredibly liberating, because for too long we women have accepted the myth that strength is something that is achieved through merit. It is time for all children to understand that strength and popularity is something that just magically happens to a person, like how Harry Potter was chosen by no merit of his own and used a magical wand to overcome his obstacles. Except Harry Potter was a boy, and he therefore perpetuates the stereotype that men are deserving of strength and popularity.

It’s time for a woman.

This is why Captain Marvel is so important. There has literally never been a movie or book that has had a strong female character. Every story has portrayed women as damsels in distress, needing a man to be her husband. It’s 2019, and it’s time for movies to break new ground, and portray women who effortlessly achieve greatness because they are inherently better than everyone else. This is a realistic and empowering story.

This is why we need brave Sunday School teachers to foist Captain Marvel as the subject of their Sunday School lessons at church. Because if they don’t hear it at church, where will they? Back when Elsa broke new ground as a strong female character in the excellent Disney movie Frozen, the oppressive patriarchy did everything they could to suppress it. Droves of old white men were spreading false rumors in classroom and church buildings that it had a homosexual agenda. Well, I guess it kinda did, but that is a positive thing, something that we should celebrate. But even Frozen didn’t take the agenda far enough, because Elsa had weaknesses and was still cowering under patriarchal fear.

Captain Marvel is a perfect Sunday School subject, because she teaches us that we should find a leader to take care of us and benevolently dominate us. We should give all of our glory to this strong figure and relinquish all agency of our own, because we will never be as strong as her, because we are not magical like her. Well, at least men aren’t.

This is a message that men desperately need to learn, the supremacy of women. Men need to fall down before the star emblazoned on Captain Marvel’s chest. And fortunately, it is a message that they are receiving. On the IMDB.com website that tracks movies, I noticed that many more men than woman are rating Captain Marvel. There were 25,646 votes from men versus 3,590 votes from women. Does this men are overwhelmingly the ones filling movie theaters? We can only hope. What’s even better, the vast majority of men voting were in the 18-44 age range, which means it is full grown men watching these comic book movies, not children. Pathetic but hopeful.

So how can brave Sunday School teachers incorporate Captain Marvel into their messages? Well, if you have some patriarchal Sunday School president breathing over your neck, do it stealthily. But otherwise be open about it. Wheel in the TV and just start playing the movie. Afterward, hold a discussion about what doctrinal changes the church should make to fall in line with this brave theology. Ask each girl in the classroom to stand up, tell them to repeat after you, “I am magically powerful, I am beautiful, and I am better because I am a woman.” And then have each male in the classroom turn to the girls and say the same thing about them. And then move on to LGTIBIAA+ issues and issues that involve other minorities. If you can, be sure to teach them about cis white males and their responsibility for climate change as well. This will make the children believe in equality, and after all isn’t that the goal? Everyone needs to be the same as everyone else.

This will really help boost the self-esteem of the girls, who are all constantly being harassed and bullied by the boys, and prepare them for life. We need to all give our money to the Disney Corporation and thank them for making the best movie ever made.

Attack of the Straw Danites

Report these troublemakers to your local constable if sighted!

Dearest readers, in the spirit of our sporadic habit to report to you those of the various events, dramas, debates, debacles, and debaucheries of the wider inter net that particularly concern our shadowy council, we are pleased to report the greatest victory Ol’ Scratch over our lions and lambs yet, which is the return of the Danites, you heard me, Danites, those scoundrels, scallywags and murderers that once terrorized the trails but were thought to now be used only by saintly women to scare and scold their spawn on stormy nights.

Continue reading “Attack of the Straw Danites”

12 Displays Of Toxic Masculinity At Temple Square

I went to temple square earlier this week and (mostly) had a good time.

A lot of changes have been made since I last strolled the temple grounds. There are a lot more sister missionaries to be seen, which was nice. I walked into the tabernacle and found my heart awash in gratitude for the progressive small steps the church has taken for gender equality. But then as I was leaving, an elderly man held the door open for me, and the reality of the church’s problematic misogynist culture set in. I rolled my eyes and sneered as I walked by. Walking around, I suddenly could see elements of this oppressive male-dominated culture all around. Where were the gender neutral bathrooms? All restroom facilities, free for use, followed harmful stereotypes. Where was the Starbucks? A truly safe space for women would have sugary coffee easily available for purchase.

1. Angel Moroni Is Male

(by Tojosan/Creative Commons)

Majestic above our heads, the golden statue silently blows his trumpet. But why does Moroni have to be a man? Aren’t women just as capable of blowing a trumpet? The day we instead see a golden statue of a woman raised up for people to worship we will achieve true equality.

Continue reading “12 Displays Of Toxic Masculinity At Temple Square”

Anti-Mormons Claim To Be Filming Porn In Latter-Day Saint Temple #DezNat

The Anti-Mormon individual responsible for the hidden camera temple videos that are on Youtube has said that he gave phony temple recommends to pornography actresses who have been in the temple and recorded footage. He suggests this was is in retaliation for the church pressing charges on him for trespassing.

The Anti-Mormon published this threat:

“I never said I wouldn’t sell them [temple recommends] to an adult film production company and give a small group of adult film stars a little training on how things operate in the temple so they won’t stand out. I may also have drawn them maps of a few temple interiors. If Mormon Jesus is not only not going to forgive my trespasses but actually aggressive [sic] prosecute me for stepping on his lawn… I’m going to show Mormon jesus how bad things can get for them. I suggest they hire a LOT more security. They’re going to need it.”

He claimed the video would be released November 5th, but in another post added that “filming began on Jan. 15th in the Jordan River Temple.” In other words, filming already began. It is unclear whether the filming that he alleges already occurred involves pornography or is just undercover video of the temple ceremony, considering he said “a porn star made” the recording of his just-released video of the temple ceremony. “Professional porn stars” recorded this new endowment ceremony video, he said. Is that the January 15th filming he is referring to?

Well, another post hints at the worst. In a rant against fellow Anti-Mormons, he said, “I can mock Elohim and record #sacredNOTsecret religious ceremonies and post them online and 99% of the Exmo’s are totally fine with it, but if two women have sex in the same room later that night after a bribed security guard lets them in everyone goes ape***.”

Anti-Mormon Community Applauds

As a top revered leader in the Anti-Mormon community, this stunt was met with mixed reactions. On the Ex-Mormon Reddit, one person simply responded “Nice.” On Twitter, an Anti-Mormon used it to tell disgusting lies about church history: “I’m just going to remind everyone that polygamous marriages were consummated in the temple back in the day. So, I find it difficult to condemn consensual sex inside a temple when child rape was their common religious practice.” Another Anti-Mormon on Twitter defended the stunt by citing Nephi and Laban, “Wow, you’ve never read the Book of Mormon have you? It’s not like @newnamenoah cut off somebody’s head so he could steal their property. But lesbian sex is going too far? What a twisted perspective you have.”

But not all members of the Ex-Mormon community liked it. Some foresaw the backlash that would result and lamented how it would tarnish the image of all of them. These Ex-Mormons were only worried about how it would hurt their image. Others were worried that it would hamper their efforts to sow apostasy in the hearts of others. “I have worked hard to make exMormonism respectable and show that we are heroically tossing open the curtain on an evil secretive cult for the benefit of those who have been harmed by it all.” Another member of the Ex-Mormon Reddit was concerned that this would make his efforts to corrupt his mother and lead her to apostasy difficult, “I have been very carefully loading her shelf with a couple items, this stunt would undo that… use your creativity to damage and destroy their credibility.”

From what I saw, only one lone voice has pointed out that gay sex in the temple may be witnessed by innocent church members, including children:

Well, yeah, in addition to trespassing, bigotry, and the targeting of a religion for hateful purposes. I guess everyone else was too worried about their public image and efforts to destroy their family members’ souls to think about that.

Remember That Poor 12-Year Old Girl Who Came Out As Lesbian In Sacrament Meeting?

Remember her? Savannah. She came out as lesbian to the congregation and the media went nuts over it. She stood up in fast and testimony meeting, read a script about accepting homosexuality, and Anti-Mormons secretly recorded it. Well, the same Anti-Mormon who allegedly gave these phony temple recommends to porn stars and trained them was the same guy who published that video of Savannah. In an interview with Anti-Mormon John Dehlin, he boasted about the hundreds of mainstream media companies that propagated his message and the hundreds of millions of views it acquired:

“There’s children that are convinced death is the only answer because their god doesn’t accept them for how they are and who they are. In June of this year I got a private message from somebody saying, “I have a video of a girl bearing her testimony in church coming out as gay and they shut her mic off…” Savannah: that is the bravest kid, the bravest person, that I have ever met in my life… I posted that video online on June 14th… so I started having all these media requests pouring in via email saying, “Can we share your video?” I mean big ones, CNN, and the New York Times carried it, the Chicago Tribune, the Daily Mirror, hundreds and hundreds of newspapers around the world that were publishing this and posting it on Twitter… by the end of the day on June 30th one hundred million people had seen Savannah’s testimony. By the end of August of this year, so after two and a half months, three hundred million people had seen her testimony…”

Will CNN, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and the hundreds of others report on these recent events with the porn actresses? I’m not too hopeful. It’s interesting that this Anti-Mormon and the mainstream news outlets burst into tears over a 12 year old reading a script about lesbianism, but graphic lesbian nudity in the temple that could be overseen by children? They love that.

The Anti-Mormon claimed of his phony temple recommends, “I made many of those recommends myself and obtained the rest without any false pretense on my part at all.” Well, that’s not really true, according to members of the Ex-Mormon Reddit:

They seemed to be under the impression that the temple recommends they sent to the Anti-Mormon would help people experience the temple with their families. That’s what he led them to believe in the interview with Anti-Mormon John Dehlin:

Mike Norton: “Very early on I obtained a blank temple recommend… I went to Kinkos. I made a hundred colored copies of it, and then I started going to Mormon websites, Mormon chatrooms, and I’d look for people that would say, “I’m so devastated by my daughter is getting married in the temple in three months and I can’t go because I’m not worthy, I can’t go because I don’t pay tithing, I can’t go because I don’t believe anymore. And I would contact them privately, and I would say, “I can get you a recommend…”

John Dehlin: “… But I’m seeing your eyes tear up. And I just want to make clear that, what I’m hearing from you say is you were moved and heartbroken at how the church used temple access and temple worthiness as a way to divide families and exclude people, and that was the emotional motivation for you sharing temple recommends… But I’m saying, you were coming from a place of empathy…”

Mike Norton: “Oh yeah, yeah….”

John Dehlin: “…and sadness for the way the church’s policies were hurting people. Is that true? Am I putting words into your mouth?”

Mike Norton: “Absolutely.. I just thought to myself.. I still believed in Christ, and thought, I just couldn’t comprehend the possibility that Jesus Christ would tell parents, “Oh, you haven’t given enough money to the church, so I’m sorry you can’t attend your only child’s wedding, I’m so sorry, so sorry.””

Those who were taken in by his promises and donated their temple recommends may be surprised that they are being given to porn stars instead of loving fathers. But those of us who know the leaders of the Anti-Mormon community and have seen their behavior aren’t surprised. Just listen to the raucous cackling of John Dehlin and his buddies as the Anti-Mormon describes how he created phony temple recommends. This is to be expected. That was always just lip service. How do you go from helping fathers attend their daughter’s sealing to helping porn actresses so they can perform lesbian sexual acts in the temple? Ask yourself that. Was it really all just about defiling the temple all along?

Well, there is reason to take this Anti-Mormon’s threats seriously, considering the amount of footage that he has secretly filmed inside the temple. This latest temple video being hosted by Youtube is proof that he’s still publishing them. But so far there is no evidence of this alleged lesbian porn tape and nothing besides his cryptic wild rants to get an idea of what really is going on. Many think it is all just a cry for attention.

The Linear Morality Fallacy

In the 21st century, our technology is more advanced than it has ever been before. Humanity continually refines, builds upon, and improves what we’ve already developed. Despite the occasional regression in advancement, technology is on a constant, upward trajectory of sophistication. This pattern is recognized by everyone and is an inherent part of our ability to create. However, as the world drifts further to secularism and materialism, people try to apply this model to everything. This is the linear morality fallacy.

A common refrain heard today is “the right side of history.” Being against any number of issues will get you charged with being against this right side of history. Leaving aside all the other problems with this, it rests on an assumption that, just like technology, morality is only ever improving and being more refined. People will point to the elimination of slavery, equality for women, and push for homosexual acceptance as evidence of this. Working backwards, they assume that history gets more and more morally backwards the further away you get from today. Even Church members fall into this way of thinking. However, this view of morality couldn’t be further from the truth.

Look at slavery in America. The popular view is that the further one goes back in time, the more hateful and racist people were towards blacks. As time advanced, people in the North became more aware of racial injustice until a war happened and slavery ended. Eventually, even the South became more open to racial equality, leaving behind their prejudiced history. As widespread as this view is though, it’s also wrong.

Researching the history of slavery, one quickly realizes the Founding Fathers thought slavery was a kind of necessary evil that would soon die out. They didn’t think the black man was supposed to be the eternal servant of white people, but that was just how it was now and would end soon enough. However, as decades passed, people began to get a different idea. They began to believe that it really was the purpose of blacks to serve whites. This was a complete reversal from before, a regression in moral thinking. The cultural thinking had gone from temporary evil that would be rectified to an inherent good. Slavery was no longer unjust. It was nature.

This moral regression led to the bloodiest war in US history before slavery was abolished. If people had instead held onto the moral truth that slavery should die out, it could have peacefully, but temptation and evil warped the thinking of many until good was called evil and evil good. And so, morality had not constantly improved but had slipped down until a calamity resulted, which then humbled the people until they accepted moral truth.

Church members know this from the Scriptures. Commonly called the Pride Cycle or Nephite Cycle, people would be blessed, become more wicked, be punished, repent, be blessed, and then it would repeat on and on until their ultimate destruction. Moral progression is shown to be a loop that cultures follow. Yet some members still hold on to this linear morality fallacy. They believe that any new cultural development must be good and that cultural regression is impossible. So they embrace many things contrary to the Gospel and teachings of Christ, arguing that this is simply how society is supposed to evolve. It is the “right side of history.”

History loops and cycles through it’s moral highs and lows. We cannot look to the fads and trends of the world to tell us what is ultimately right and best for us. Only Jesus Christ and His gospel can tell us that. Church members especially would do well to focus on developing their faith and studying the gospel in order to know what is morally right, instead of taking cues from the ever-changing and regressing world. There is no right side of history, but there is the right side of the Lord, and we would do well to be on it.

5 Feminist Decorating Tips For Your Cubicle

Women have made amazing gender gains in the workplace. We celebrate this progress as literally the best thing to ever happen to women. Participation in the labor force ensures all women have the right to spend all day staring blankly at computer screens, surrounded by acoustic cubicle dividers, sipping coffee to keep ourselves awake. It also gives us more money to consume cheap disposable items from Amazon and trying to relax on the weekends at day spas. At last, women have lifted ourselves from the dark days when the only way we were allowed to spend our time was smiling with our cute baby children, planting flower gardens, and selecting furniture for our three-bedroom homes. Now, we women are experiencing fulfilling lives like we were mean to, as menial labor machines for big corporate bosses.

Recently, as I trudged through the door of my apartment at the end of the day, I glanced over to a dusty corner and thought, “Wait, this is where I live?” I didn’t even recognize the place. The only time I really spend at home is to feed my cats and microwave my Velvetta cheese meal. I spend vastly more time in the restroom of my work building than in my bathroom at home. This is s a marker of progress. It is progressive that I have a vassal lord to provide all my needs, instead of selfishly arranging a living space that only I get to use. This is progress for the greater good.

When decorating the cubical box where you spend 14 hours per day, it is important to keep in mind this spirit of social progress and equality.

1. Check Your Privilege

A couple months ago, I complained to Human Resources about a male co-worker who had a university resume hanging on his wall. The resume is a symbol of the oppressive racial majorities which keep minorities from enjoying college education and other opportunities. Males need to keep this in mind when they feel the desire to hang certificates of achievement, photos of family, or artwork by children. It is literally harassment. But we women are not immune from the poison of meritocracy either! We need to remember to be sensitive to the LGTBQIAA+ community and others who may be offended by any decorations that are unique and independent.

2. Avoid Gendered Stereotypes

Despite heavy social conditioning from cradle to grave, some people still manage to perpetuate old-fashioned stereotypes. Any space that indicates differences between males and females is totally intolerable. This is why it is important to make your decorations as blandly non-specific to gender as possible. Instead of pink or blue, how about a nice dark gray? Instead of pretty flowers for girls or a poster of racing cars for boys, how about the same meaningless company slogan posted on the walls of every cubicle in the building? Make sure to report everything that could possibly be interpreted as a gender stereotype to Human Resources.

3. Proclaim Socialism With Religious Zeal

Today, it would be unthinkable to place a symbol of religion in the workplace. Like, who does that? A cross on the wall or a painting of Jesus would immediately result in a trip to the Human Resources office, we all know that. Even the most religiously backwards kook is careful to avoid publically admitting that he has faith. This is wonderful progress. It is everyone’s duty to report a religious person. But it is not enough to ban religious icons. We also need to replace them with symbols of atheism and Marxist philosophies. This is why I at all times have a giant poster of Che Guevara hanging next to my computer. It is a great reminder to me of the progress we are making as a society, but more importantly it is propaganda to remind everyone else that they must accept Marxism.

4. Signal Your Moral Virtue

Make sure to include at least seven items that indicate your status as an LGTBQIA+ ally. The more pieces of moral virtue, the better. You should wear rainbow pins on your vest, stickers on your purse, posters on your cubicle walls, inspirational covers for your phone, etc. How many pieces of moral “flair” are enough? As many as you feel comfortable with. But at least seven. And if your neighbor across the acoustic wall has more pieces of moral virtue than you, log on to your favorite Marxist Etsy shop and order ten more. Luckily, there are hundreds of oppressed classes that you can virtue signal for, plus the hundreds of thousands of intersectional combinations.

5. Display Proof Of Organizations You Financially Support

This is by far the most important virtue signal, and it is shockingly one that most people neglect. Progressives were out in force for the 2018 elections, reminding people to vote. Without this reminder, disenfranchized people literally are unable to vote, so it’s important. I went around the office and reminded every person of color, LGTBQIAA+ member, and woman to vote–I reminded each person at least ten times, per day. But this isn’t enough. We also need to provide a monthly financial donation (tax deductible of course) to progressive organizations, and print out the receipts and pin them on our walls. Not only does this reinforce a cultural expectation to pay money to pro-equality groups, it weeds out those who only pretend to be progressive and don’t put their money where their mouth is. Don’t want to fund progress? Don’t expect to work here for long!

These steps are important for building a safe, equal, and corporatly-benefical workplace.

Why Are Progmos Who Drink Coffee So Miserable & Crazy?

In about 2014, group of “cultural Mormons” in the luxurious Upper East Side of Manhattan got together and formed a club called “Feminist Home Evening.” They billed it as “a safe place to be connected to your Mormonism,” according to NPR.

“The topics of conversation can be serious at times. Like the recent change to church policy that prevents the children of gay parents from being baptized… Other topics aren’t quite as heavy and might even seem trivial.

“Coffee is a complicated relationship,” says Heather McGee Teadoro, who is 25 years old and grew up in Utah. She admits she loves coffee and always has.

As a teenager, McGee Teadoro drifted away from the LDS church, and her coffee habits weren’t an issue, but she’s recently decided to return. Now, that craving is more problematic….

“I’m self-conscious among Mormons holding a cup of iced coffee,” says Kate Cowley, 34, a film producer who lives in Manhattan with her husband and three young children. “I would feel, you know, I would feel uncomfortable.”

Now, I know what you all are thinking. But is this really a bad thing? Heather McGree Teadoro would probably find my conversations with church friends just as silly. People need to get with their friends to talk things out, and that’s alright. At least they are trying to put some kind of focus on the church. I think as long as they are making an effort they should not be condemned. And it’s not their fault NPR is only interested in their FHE group.

I have to admit, I just about spit out my orange soft-drink when I read the line about coffee. Of course! But reading it again, I’m thinking maybe it isn’t so trivial. Every day driving to work I see endless lines of cars looping through Starbucks, and I have friends who truly struggled with the deeply ingrained cultural drug. I know some who have even left the church because it. No harmful addiction is to be laughed at, and coffee is truly without equal. Well, until marijuana becomes mainstream in another five years, anyway.

Lately, it seems like the feminist dominance of the Progmo crowd has diminished. But don’t be fooled. Feminism (specifically, third-wave feminism) will always be their basis, and the reason for it very much involves coffee.

Coffee Effects Men & Women Differently

Men produce testosterone easily because they have testes that can produce large amounts at one time. Testosterone is great for men because it increases red blood cells, bone density, muscle mass, and open blood vessels. Many men drink coffee right before a workout because the caffeine boosts testosterone for more energy. Despite side effects, caffeine helps build muscle in a workout. But what about men who drink coffee normally throughout the day, not during a workout? It starts to replace the normal production of testosterone and men end up with a decrease.

With women, it’s a lot different. Women cannot create testosterone easily because it requires producing enzymes to add carbon atoms, and they don’t have the same hardware as men. It takes a lot of energy for the ovaries to add these carbon atoms. It’s a lot easier for both men and women to create estrogen, however, because this involves removing carbon atoms, and removal of the atoms takes less energy. Men already have these enzymes, making the production of estrogen for men even easier.

Female athletes are able to produce lots of testosterone, but casual coffee drinkers don’t. They don’t get the testosterone from coffee that men do. The female body compensates for testosterone with high levels of adrenalin, some serotonin, and norepinephrine, and lower estrogen. This affects the brain in a way differently than testosterone. It makes them panicky and on edge, as if they were constantly expecting an attack in a war. When taken to the extreme, the brain has a harder time telling the difference between imaginary and real scenarios, and they become paranoid and hyper-vigilant.

Sound familiar?

Men become more like women from drinking coffee, while women become more irrational. I always just assumed that coffee and everything else affects everyone in the same way, but scientists now agree it is different according to sex and race. This difference can be seen in a countenance of heavy coffee drinkers.

Why Feminists Dominate The Progmo Press

This may explain why Progmos in the mainstream newspapers and blogs tend to be female. The heightened alertness and stress drives them to be bold and loud, screaming their messages and always looking for a quarrel. The male Progmos who drink coffee, on the other hand, tend to be docile and mild mannered due to unhealthy levels of estrogen. They tend to be either sickly skinny or well overweight because of the toll swings in testosterone levels take on the heart. This may explain why these men immediately block people they disagree with on social media and run away from confrontation. They cry to their buddies for comfort while the women have no problem with vicious confrontation. What little naturally-produced testosterone these men have feeds the most innate masculine urge men have: to white knight for the women of their tribe when the women are attacked.

Of course, this is a generalization and exaggeration. There are plenty of Progmos out there who don’t drink coffee, and there are plenty of coffee drinkers that don’t display these traits. It is complicated how coffee affects people differently. But there is a reason why the Word of Wisdom places a blanket ban on all coffee for all people. I believe it is extremely rare that it benefits a person more than it injures them.

It’s pretty obvious the way some Progmo feminists worship coffee that there is a problem. We see the same obsessive behavior in marijuana advocates, the meltdowns when anyone criticizes their beloved subsistence. It is important to remember that while caffeine helps men in physical workouts to build testosterone, it messes up the the hormones. It inhibits dopamine which helps people stay rational. It boosts the compensating adrenalin. This is why women addicted to coffee have much higher levels of adrenalin . This adrenalin replaces estrogen that would normally go to the receptors. When the amount of competing hormones become too much, estrogen is rejected and destroyed. This tug-of-war between hormones results in combative attitudes, a person always look for a fight, irrationality, and everything else we associate with some Progmos. It makes them over-sensitive and anxious. The moment someone tries to correct their thinking or even just disagrees with them, both the men and women have emotional meltdowns.

This is also why they always see themselves as victims, because these symptoms are the same effects that abuse victims experience. The brain cannot tell the difference between real and imagined scenarios, so they automatically associate their crushed emotions with the person who disagreed with them. Lower serotonin and dopamine levels cause depression and anxiety. The depression that results lowers the motivation to change the problem and spirals to an even deeper depression, becoming an ever crushing hole of addiction.

For many, the first step is to break the habit. Then they can develop gospel doctrine and healthy habits that enrich their lives and build up a joyful church community. Let’s hope they do.

Mormon Churches Need Women-Only Parking Spaces

Recently, my friend from upper east-side Manhattan came visiting for a BYU conference, and she remarked that Utah is unique in offering special parking privileges for pregnant women. “Even New York hasn’t made such an advance in equality,” she said.

“Well, the toxic old white men who rule this state hate it, I assure you,” I replied.

“Of course. But it is still very problematic, because people here treat it like a courtesy. Like they are giving women something they don’t deserve out of the niceness of their hearts.”

This is something I hadn’t considered before. The craven men of this state are only giving women this privilege of parking to solidify their position of power. So at the end of the day, pregnancy parking really just bolsters the patriarchy. It is another toxic abuse of old white men. In California, a place which is far advanced in social justice, they proposed special parking permits for pregnant women so they could park in disabled parking spaces. This bill failed in legislature because it insinuated that pregnancy is a disability, which I find unfortunate. Having a parasite growing inside your body is certainly a disability, is it not? The least men could do for women after having impregnated them, risking their lives, and dumping all responsibility on them, is recognize their right to park in disabled parking?! Good grief.

But the bill failed in legislature. But I see this as an opportunity. It means we can spread this right to all women. After all, all women are victimized and deserving of having their rights recognized, not just pregnant ones.

Where should we start? How about the church parking lot, where the Bishop and his counselors get prime parking spots, because they show up two hours early for their secret male-only leadership meetings, while women in their minivans full of kids have to park in the back of the lot and schlepp their thirteen kids all the way to the foyer and then all the way to the chapel pews? Why not start with that? Let’s start with these mothers who are pushed to the back of the bus. And then let’s talk about the women who are mistreated with horribly invasive and inappropriate questioning in the male-dominated Bishop interviews, beginning at a very young age. Women who are not allowed to be leaders. Women who are forced to sew buttons and play with Barbies while the boys get to go on hikes and exciting scouting adventures. Women who are stuck with uncomfortable rickety old rocking chairs in the mother’s lounge while men get lush comfy chairs. Women who are stuck with misogynist scripture and teaching material that perpetuate the toxic culture? How about them? Are they deserving of equal rights too? Aren’t they entitled to special parking spaces at the front of the building?

This is just one of many problematic areas that the church must address if they want to make their church buildings safe for women. Courageous female leaders are working to push through laws that will force churches to practice equality. But in the meantime, all women need to pressure old white men to update to the current century and stop pushing women to the back of the parking lot. We owe it to our daughters. We owe it to ourselves.

Once this cause is accomplished, then we can push on to further equal-rights issues, like making all men show up at least two hours early to clean and prepare the building, and making all men prepare rice crispy snacks.

I’m Better Than You Because I Drink Coffee

My favorite thing to do when I step into work in the morning is prepare a delicious pot of syrupy coffee. The smell from the coffee maker (company-bought) wafts through air and fills the office, as a reminder to the TBM Mormons of what they are missing out on. I make sure to slurp loudly as I go from cubicle to cubicle chatting with other ladies. How often do TBM Mormons think they are better because of their commitment of abstinence? How often do they tell their children that coffee-drinkers like us are sinners who are destined for sickness and a face full of wrinkles before the age of 35? Well, the laugh is on them as my bright cheery face yacks away while they are sitting there trying to work. That’s what they get for judging me!

But the fact is, I am superior to them because I drink coffee. The health benefits of coffee have been well documented by scientists. It is scientifically proven to protect against Parkinson’s disease, lower the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, help you relax, and treat depression. I find it is like a medication for depression all on its own. And sugar-filled lattes from chain-coffee houses are even better, because sugar makes it more stimulating and delicious, and lower the risk of Diabetes. Drinking coffee also gives me more time to socialize. Coffee is like the perfect elixir of goodness. So in the evening when the media corporation I work for hands me my paycheck, the first thing I do is walk into Starbucks and order a massive frappuccino with extra whip cream and syrupy red goo. Then I go home and attack the bottle of red wine. And then another trip to Starbucks before I go to bed.

A study shows a third of church members drink coffee pretty regularly, including a quarter of temple-attendees within the last 6 months. Well, I applaud these sinners for deciding for themselves what is best for their bodies and not leaving it up to some old white male. For many, coffee has become a symbol of the forbidden fruit that carries such a negative stigma in our judgemental culture yet provides so much knowledge and wisdom. It literally makes you smarter. I find that people who drink two or three cups of syrup-filled coffee a day like me know more stuff. We can chat away about the latest celebrity news and recent episodes of TV reality shows, and the TBM sits there silently in her office chair like she has no idea what we are talking about! Then she turns back to her computer, probably because she is ashamed of not being smart like us, and sometimes I like to rub it in her face by asking pointed questions about last night’s episode of the Bachelor, and she tells me, “I really need to get back to work.” I can’t believe how stupid coffee-skeptics are! They lack so much nuance!

Next time a TBM yells at you for drinking coffee, remind them that their hot cocoa has caffeine in it too. So what’s the difference? The only difference I see is coffee literally makes you a better person and cocoa just makes you pathetic. In fact, drinking coffee can help you be a more spiritual person, because drinking coffee means you are no longer judging people who do, and being non-judgemental makes you a better person. It’s a toss-up which makes you a more righteous person–coffee or marijuana–probably marijuana because it doesn’t stain your teeth. But I find that inhaling coffee at a frantic pace is also a reminder that I can be whoever I want to be. Once I cross the fence into the world of “spiritual crocodiles,” I can discover hidden treasure like coffee and chart my own course, walk my own woke path. It empowers me as a woman.

This is why I always use coffee to identity who I am as a person. This is why I spend over $200 per month on coffee, not including money for gas. It is like my daily communion. If tomorrow the world’s infrastructure collapsed and there were no delivery trucks carrying bags of coffee beans from impoverished slave-labor countries, I would probably collapse on the floor and slip into a coma. But right now we are living in a modern technological world where I don’t need to worry about things like self-sufficiency. For now, coffee is literally who I am, and I am a happier and smarter 26-year old because of it.

Until next time, I am Ann Eliza.

Cleon Skousen’s Warning Of A Communist Take-Over Coming To Pass

Willard Cleon Skousen worked in 1935 in the Agricultural Adjustment Administration and FBI, before he left to teach at Brigham Young University in 1951. He developed a political view that integrated his faith as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, though he was considered too conservative for mainstream Republicans. Admittedly, Skousen did mingle religion and politics. Everybody told me growing up that he was kinda crazy, like Alex Jones or UFO seekers. But today, it seems conservatives all separate church and state in their world views and it is the “Progmo” Leftists who instead often base their spiritual beliefs on their political beliefs. The result is a wave of radically Leftist sentiments that fill social media and lead away from the gospel.

Is it fair to say Cleon Skousen was likewise wrong to mingle faith and politics, and that his ideas likewise led to apostasy? Well perhaps, but it seems like Cleon Skousen based his politics on his faith and not the other way around as Progmos do. He started with a basis of gospel principles and contemporary prophetic teachings and policies, and then he formed his politics and social views from there.

It is interesting to see how right he was, from any point of observation. Regardless of how one feels about his opinions on things, it is hard to argue that Skousen’s observations were incorrect. It is also hard to argue that his predictions for America were incorrect. Rather than doomsday prophesies of nuclear warfare and Russian soldiers parachuting into American high schools, Skousen delivered well-reasoned and evidence-based predictions which we see happening today. We see it happening right now, for example as the “Honduran immigrant caravan” marches to the United States–organized by a radical Marxist and an exact mirror of the Syrian refugee march to Europe.

1. U.S. acceptance of coexistence as the only alternative to atomic war. Sometimes Anti-American nations (who all seem to be Communist) like to rattle the sabers and the threat of nuclear war rises. Our default solution is to calm tensions and show that we are not a threat to their existence.

2. U.S. willingness to capitulate in preference to engaging in atomic war. When it comes to small players like North Korea, this isn’t as true, but when it comes to China we definitely capitulated and gave them everything they wanted–until the current administration, that is.

3. Develop the illusion that total disarmament from the United States would be a demonstration of moral strength. Leftists always complain about the size of the U.S. military, but instead of disarmament they have successfully started to weaken the military, with lowered standards for soldiers, green energy projects that don’t help anything, politically correct standards, etc. They announce these weaknesses as moral progress.

4. Permit free trade between all nations regardless of Communist affiliation and regardless of whether or not items could be used for war. China’s incredible rise started when they were allowed into the World Trade Organization. Right now, the United States is trying to raise tariffs on countries like China, and not as any kind of punishment for being Communist but because China has massive tariffs on us and we have none on them. And the Left complains about just that!

5. Extension of long-term loans to Russia and Soviet satellites. The Soviet Union may be gone but the United States hands out billions of dollars to hostile nations and Marxists. Why? Study the history of the Roman empire and barbarian tribes to figure it out.

6. Provide American aid to all nations regardless of Communist domination. The Communist and radical Leftist nature of a nation’s government is not even considered when it comes to the free handouts we give them.

7. Grant recognition of Red China. Admission of Red China to the U.N. Completed.

8. Set up East and West Germany as separate states in spite of Khrushchev’s promise in 1955 to settle the German question by free elections under supervision of the U.N. Eastern Germany may be gone, but we see this same principle of national division rather than allowing a democratic vote to decide affairs play out all the time. Gay marriage was decided by the courts not the people, for example.

9. Prolong the conferences to ban atomic tests because the United States has agreed to suspend tests as long as negotiations are in progress. Atomic testing is no longer relevant but we see the same idea play out when it comes to modern technology, such as weapons in space (which is prohibited by international treaty), and we see recently saw the same idea play out with Democrats who tried to delay the Kavanaugh hearing until after the midterm elections.

10. Allow all Soviet satellites individual representation in the U.N. The United Nations is pretty much useless today, with how this technique has destroyed any fair representation. But we also see the same idea play out in the Leftist assault on the electoral college.

11. Promote the U.N. as the only hope for mankind. If its charter is rewritten, demand that it be set up as a one-world government with its own independent armed forces. Many Leftists pledge allegiance to the United Nations rather than America, and globalism is being pushed by big billionaires and corporations. This idea is being pushed very hard and may succeed to dismantle all national independence in the near future.

12. Resist any attempt to outlaw the Communist Party. Not only does “free speech” allow Marxists to organize, it allows them to indoctrinate school students, infiltrate churches and media corporations, and commit terrorism through groups like Antifa.

13. Do away with all loyalty oaths. Many California public schools have done away with the pledge of allegiance. All oaths are pretty much meaningless anyways in this age of undercover records and leaking documents to the press.

14. Continue giving Russia access to the U.S. Patent Office. China is famous for demanding trade secrets from anyone who wants access to their cheap slave labor, and then China just makes their own cheap version of the product. Not only China is doing this.

15. Capture one or both of the political parties in the United States. Until very recently, Democrats and Republicans were pretty much the same, with just a facade of disagreement. This is certainly still true with all mainstream media. Fox News = CNN.

16. Use technical decisions of the courts to weaken basic American institutions by claiming their activities violate civil rights. Another important tactic that we see the Left use all the time. We should remember that judicial activism, which at this point has almost completely usurped all democracy in this country, is designed to weaken basic vital institutions, like the family and churches.

17. Get control of the schools. Use them as transmission belts for socialism and current Communist propaganda. Soften the curriculum. Get control of teachers’ associations. Put the party line in textbooks. Completed. Schools and universities are now brainwash factories and are responsible for 90% of the indoctrination that poisons our youth.

18. Gain control of all student newspapers. Not just student newspapers, all student resources and all media.

19. Use student riots to foment public protests against programs or organizations which are under Communist attack. This tactic has worked so well that Leftists foment riots beyond just students. Every other day there is another Leftist riot against something in their way.

20. Infiltrate the press. Get control of book-review assignments, editorial writing, policymaking positions. Completed. The mainstream media is 100% compromised and it is impossible for a media group to survive unless it is Marxist (or backed by a big organization, such as Deseret News’ relationship to the church).

21. Gain control of key positions in radio, TV, and motion pictures. Completed. All key positions in media corporations are filled by radical Leftists with the same agenda.

22. Continue discrediting American culture by degrading all forms of artistic expression. An American Communist cell was told to “eliminate all good sculpture from parks and buildings, substitute shapeless, awkward and meaningless forms.” Completed. Art in America is dead. Art mediums are only used to propagate Leftist messages.

23. Control art critics and directors of art museums. “Our plan is to promote ugliness, repulsive, meaningless art.” Just look at any recent music video: pure ugliness. It is interesting to consider how this is maintained through control of art critics and directors.

24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them “censorship” and a violation of free speech and free press. Instead of censoring obscenity and unhealthy content, content is censored for content that deviates from the accepted Leftist message. Every day the purge of “wrong think” grows stronger.

25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio, and TV. Porn, poor morals, and obscenity is now everywhere. It is becoming impossible to find a media message that isn’t pornographic and immoral.

26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as “normal, natural, healthy.” Over 1/3 of the days in the year are now dedicated to homosexuality, through some kind of “pride month” or day of celebration. Think about that. A third of every waking moment. Provo is basically forced to hold gay pride parades. It has becoming pretty much impossible to express a thought that deviates from this message.

27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with “social” religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a “religious crutch.” This describes pretty much everything Progmos teach their students at BYU.

28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the principle of “separation of church and state.” Completed. Soon people will be taxed for religious expression in the privacy of their homes.

29. Discredit the American Constitution by calling it inadequate, old-fashioned, out of step with modern needs, a hindrance to cooperation between nations on a worldwide basis. Completed. The Left has become adept at twisting the constitution to mean the opposite of what it says, but there is always still a constant reminder that the Constitution is racist, sexist, intolerant, etc.

30. Discredit the American Founding Fathers. Present them as selfish aristocrats who had no concern for the “common man.” Completed. Indigenous People’s Day anyone?

31. Belittle all forms of American culture and discourage the teaching of American history on the ground that it was only a minor part of the “big picture.” Give more emphasis to Russian history since the Communists took over. Russian history is no longer relevant, but it is interesting to crack open a modern 6th grade history book and see what is emphasized. White man bad for everything.

32. Support any socialist movement to give centralized control over any part of the culture–education, social agencies, welfare programs, mental health clinics, etc. The federal government now controls everything, totally different from how the founding fathers envisioned government. Education hardly exists, mostly brainwashing. Social agencies only provide social justice training. Welfare programs everywhere. Mental health clinics don’t exist.

33. Eliminate all laws or procedures which interfere with the operation of the Communist apparatus. This is an important one. We think Leftists attack things because they just don’t like them. No, there is always an agenda. They seek to dismantle anything different from their Marxist utopia and transform it into a vehicle for Marxism, much like Agent Smith in the Matrix sticking his hand into Neo and turning him into an Agent. Every day, millions of blog posts, news stories, public school lessons, Sunday School lessons, pop songs, memes, etc. attack contradicting laws and procedures.

34. Eliminate the House Committee on Un-American Activities. Completed. As recent revelations about Deep State corruption and tech company behavior shows, we need the House Un-American Activities Committee now more than ever.

35. Discredit and eventually dismantle the FBI. This was back when the FBI enforced actual justice. It was long ago discredit and dismantled, and rebuilt into what it is today.

36. Infiltrate and gain control of more unions. Unions don’t appear to play as big a role in politics as in the Bush years, but don’t be fooled. States like New York and California are completely dominated by big unions that do nothing for the members who are forced to pay dues.

37. Infiltrate and gain control of big business. Completed. It is impossible to be a big business unless you pay for commercials about social justice and donate to environmental groups.

38. Transfer some of the powers of arrest from the police to social agencies. Treat all behavioral problems as psychiatric disorders which no one but psychiatrists can understand [or treat]. Leftists have recently launched a huge campaign to discredit the police, which is still ongoing. This agenda perhaps has been lagging behind but they are quickly catching up, and in the near future psychiatrists will totally dominate prisons and people will be arrested by thought-police for though crimes, as is already happening in Great Britain.

39. Dominate the psychiatric profession and use mental health laws as a means of gaining coercive control over those who oppose Communist goals. Completed.

40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce. Divorce has successfully been turned into a racket, where men become slaves, women become ruined, and children suffer the most. The family is pretty much totally discredited, but hey at least we have equality?

41. Emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents. Attribute prejudices, mental blocks and retarding of children to suppressive influence of parents. Parents are less influential than ever. Maybe a couple hours per day of a child is actually spent with the child, and there is probably near zero actual interaction during that time. The father is likely never there. A child’s life is dominated by school indoctrination, homework indoctrination, video games, social media, sleep, and corn syrup meals. It is interesting to consider how parenting is blamed for “prejudices, mental blacks, and retarding.” So true.

42. Create the impression that violence and insurrection are legitimate aspects of the American tradition; that students and special-interest groups should rise up and use [“]united force[“] to solve economic, political or social problems. Antifa. I find it interesting when I hear a Leftist rage against gun rights yet admit that violence is just part of our culture. “Shouldn’t we instead focus on making violence not part of our culture?” I ask. Of course not! Violence and insurrection against orange man good!

43. Overthrow all colonial governments before native populations are ready for self-government. South Africa right now. A major part of the Obama government was to eradicate colonialism, which is something few people realize. The Book of Mormon teaches us how colonialism could be a force for good, though it has often led to great evil because it was under the control of people like conquistadors.

44. Internationalize the Panama Canal. Completed. Thank you Jimmy Carter. This same idea continues today with the internet and other American-controlled resources that will soon be handed over to globalists.

45. Repeal the Connally reservation so the United States cannot prevent the World Court. The Connally Amendment prevented the International Court Of Justice from gaining dominance over national sovereignty in the United States. International tribunals could have no sovereignty over domestic affairs. Well, is that true today? I don’t see legal tribunals meddling in domestic affairs, but there is certainly international meddling, isn’t there?