8 Outrage Mob Commenters You Should Avoid

** These are comments people left on the article 18 Teachers At BYU You Should Avoid. As with the previous article about BYU teachers, THIS IS NOT A BLACKLIST. This is not commentary on anything people have said. You can make up your own mind about these screenshots. You don’t need commentary from me. I personally think they include some rhetoric that should be avoided. We should foster an environment that values diverse opinion.**

18 Teachers At BYU You Should Avoid

** THIS IS NOT A BLACKLIST. This is not commentary on anything BYU teachers have said. Don’t believe the media’s lies. You can make up your own mind about these screenshots, with no input from me. I personally think they include some rhetoric that should be avoided. That’s it. ABC4 and any BYU employees involved in their attack piece about this article need to give a correction and apology.**

1. Adam Durfee

Communications Adjunct Instructor

2. Jason Kerr

Humanities Assistant Professor

3. Edward L. Carter

Professor and Director of the School of Communications

4. Heather Belnap

Humanities Associate Professor

5. Joel Campbell

Humanities Associate Teaching Professor

6. Matthew Ancell

Humanities Associate Professor

7. Dale Cressman

Communications Associate Professor

8. Teresa Reber Bell

Humanities Associate Professor

9. Lee Essig

Family Life, Adjunct

10. Andre Radke-Moss

BYU-I Associate Dean of Faculty Development

11. Rebecca DeSchweinitz

History Associate Professor

12. Spencer Fluhman

History Associate Professor

13. Valerie Hegstrom

Humanities Coordinator, Global Womens Studies / Professor, Spanish & Portuguese

14. Roni Jo Draper

School of Education Professor

(Some images removed per request)

15-18. Brigham Daniels, Kristin Gerdy Kyle, Matthew Jennejohn, Michalyn Steele

BYU Law Professor of Law, Teaching Professor of Law, Associate Professor of Law, Associate Professor of Law

Prediction: The Mormon Church Will Serve Coffee At Sunday Morning Session #ConferenceRumors

As everyone knows, coffee and caffeinated soda is going to be legalized in the LDS church’s upcoming 2019 General Conference. How marvelous it will be! This is something progressive-minded members around the world have been aggressively advocating for, as coffee’s health benefits have been proven time and time again by science.

Let’s unpack what this means. Consider the surprising results of my Progress Mormons Survey:

  • Ten out of ten Millennial temple recommend holders already drink at least 7 beers per day, as well as regular consumption of nutritional marijuana–as well as frequent purchases of hemp products, such as twine, purses, and moisturizing cream.
  • GenX Latter-day Saints were only slightly less progressive as far as Word of Wisdom restrictions are concerned. 93% of respondents agreed with my Twitter post that coffee is a divinely created substance central to the plan for the eternal destiny of us all. Four out seven Twitter replies were supportive.
  • Fewer than a third of Millenials or GenXers said they cared, and 26% agreed that I was making a scene and that I needed to leave. They agreed I should come up with a cause that actually matters, like solving world hunger. They were promptly blocked from my Twitter.

The full results of my soundly scientific Progress Mormons Survey can also be found in my recently published book, which is being heavily promoted by Progmo feminists everywhere. The survey proves that coffee deserves to be legalized by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and by Idaho.

Until now, the old white men haven’t allowed coffee because the older generation is out of touch, and the people have not exerted enough internal pressure to bring about meaningful change. Change only happens if we march in protests to Church Headquarters and insult church leaders in New York Times articles. Likewise, external groups have not pushed the church to progress in this area, which is a big let-down for oppressed women like me. It is just so cringe when the old white men preach against coffee from the podium. Like, who do they think they are?

The truth is, before the old white men banned coffee in 1921, everyone in the Church enjoyed coffee on a daily basis, and it was considered essential morning health. Every pioneer who crossed the plains drank coffee enthusiastically. They recognized its miracle health benefits for curing lung disease and increasing life expectancy. But the patriarchy, as they always do, sought to suppress these amazing health benefits and subjugate high school teenagers who literally need coffee to get up in the morning.

Well, the good news is this era of victimization is over. I predict, that not only will coffee flow liberally in those moments after the glorious declaration of the church’s new policy, but coffee will become a staple for Sunday church services. Coffee will be served in every women’s lounge (they will change the name from “mother’s lounge” to be more inclusive). Coffee will be served on fast Sundays to allay the hunger and thirst with which women are disproportionately inflicted. Coffee will finally take its rightful place.

Of course, as soon as this happens, instead of expressing gratitude, I plan on ridiculing the church for changing policies. The best thing would be if women just led everything and the patriarchy of white men went away. Then we could talk about open marriage, church-supported free Xanax, and compulsory free welfare services on a class basis. But I am very optimistic due to positive change that has happened so far, and am literally 100% certain that this is what’s going to happen.

Most importantly, I won’t feel judged for waiting 3 hours every morning in line at Peet’s.

Until next time, I’m Ann Eliza. Read my new book about hip young Mormons like me who are finally instituting meaningful Socialism!

Did ByCommonConsent Exploit The New Zealand Shooting To Call Latter-Day Saints Dangerous Racists?

With over 100,000 visitors per month and 23,000 followers on Twitter, there is little argument that ByCommonConsent.com is the one of the biggest “Mormon” blogs on the internet. But many church members are finding that it isn’t a very friendly or tolerant place. Many find themselves blocked by BCC or their followers on Twitter. But BCC doesn’t seem to like being blocked. When BCC found that they were blocked by a BYU account they complained. When they were blocked, then it was wrong because “in Zion none are blocked,” but later, BCC proudly boasted that blocking is a good thing to do.

When a fellow liberal complained about being blocked by Elder Holland, BCC suggested writing to Salt Lake about it.

Latter-day Saints Are Dangerous Racists?

But it’s a lot worse than hypocrisy about blocking. A couple days ago, a crazed Anti-Muslim madman in New Zealand stormed a mosque and killed lots of people. It is a horrible act which is widely condemned across the entire Latter-day Saint community. Stories began appearing in the press that the shooter posted a racist manifesto on social media which was “designed to troll” and which “made reference to memes.” “It’s hard to spot the terrorists among the trolls,” warned Wall Street Journal. The shooter “combines white-supremacist and Islamophobic thoughts with several references to memes,” reported The Washington Post. The shooter posted on social media under a meme that was popular among racists, reported Sydney Morning Herald. The shooter also reportedly said “subscribe to PewDiePie,” a line which is frequently repeated on social media by PewDiePie’s subscribers.

Well, a day after the shooting, BCC said Latter-day Saints are likewise guilty of racist trolling and memes. BCC just couldn’t resist attacking members he hates in the church.

What does BBC mean by the “hashtag crowd”? What is that? Is that a reference to #Deznat, a Latter-day Saint hashtag which the Daily Beast smeared as an Alt-Right cult? Well, Deznat often posts memes and there’s plenty of trolling, though the trolling I see is liberals pretending to be conservatives or saying hateful things about conservatives. But Daily Beast set the narrative and then liberals ran with it, so now it’s considered a racist hashtag. It must be a racist hashtag, because they disagree with it.

BCC makes no secret that he is a staunch liberal. He routinely attacks President Trump and Trump supporters. But now BCC has taken it to a new level, where you are racist if you are part of a “hashtag crowd.” And you should not be tolerated. And the scripture you use around your intolerance should not be tolerated. Wait, what? Scripture used for intolerance should not be tolerated? Isn’t that… kinda what BCC is doing here? Well, I guess he isn’t using scripture. He’s just being intolerant on his own.

Of course, it’s easy for liberals to call anything they don’t like “hateful” and use that as an excuse to ban it. Or call it “intolerant” and use that as an excuse to behave intolerantly and spread hatred toward. But what does BCC propose as a solution? Are they going to keep blocking people, or do they want some other method to prevent “racist” and “hateful” speech?

Oh, and then there’s BCC’s own racism:

Conservative members of the church aren’t tolerated to speak, because that’s racist, apparently. But I haven’t seen actual racism from conservative Latter-day Saints on social media. These racist hashtags and memes they are talking about, I haven’t seen any, and I don’t see how BCC could have seen them if they have so many people blocked. BCC says “I see members of my faith doing this,” but how is that possible?

Racism has time and time again been condemned by church leaders and church members. Racial supremacy and threats of violence simply do not happen. The only intolerance and hatred I see is coming from the “woke” liberal side which holds its liberal dogmas above anything else. Let’s be real. It’s sad and disgusting that BCC divides the Latter-day Saint community so deeply. It is sad that they promote intolerance and hatred, sowing discord within the church, and it is time to call it out. It needs to stop.

Finally, isn’t it a bit coincidental that the mosque shooting happened in New Zealand, considering New Zealand’s prime minister is an Ex-Mormon feminist who champions liberal causes, the same causes we see among “woke Mormon” Twitter?

We Need Sunday School Lessons About Captain Marvel

Move over Moroni, there’s a new Captain in town!

Yesterday, I celebrated Woman’s Day and Woman’s Month together with my yappy friends by scrolling through popular white male celebrities I hate on Twitter and saying horrible things about them. But we made sure to also watch what is literally the best movie ever made. It’s Captain Marvel, and it’s a story about a gorgeous woman who magically gains strength and saves the world, because everyone else is too weak and pitiful to save themselves. I find this message incredibly liberating, because for too long we women have accepted the myth that strength is something that is achieved through merit. It is time for all children to understand that strength and popularity is something that just magically happens to a person, like how Harry Potter was chosen by no merit of his own and used a magical wand to overcome his obstacles. Except Harry Potter was a boy, and he therefore perpetuates the stereotype that men are deserving of strength and popularity.

It’s time for a woman.

This is why Captain Marvel is so important. There has literally never been a movie or book that has had a strong female character. Every story has portrayed women as damsels in distress, needing a man to be her husband. It’s 2019, and it’s time for movies to break new ground, and portray women who effortlessly achieve greatness because they are inherently better than everyone else. This is a realistic and empowering story.

This is why we need brave Sunday School teachers to foist Captain Marvel as the subject of their Sunday School lessons at church. Because if they don’t hear it at church, where will they? Back when Elsa broke new ground as a strong female character in the excellent Disney movie Frozen, the oppressive patriarchy did everything they could to suppress it. Droves of old white men were spreading false rumors in classroom and church buildings that it had a homosexual agenda. Well, I guess it kinda did, but that is a positive thing, something that we should celebrate. But even Frozen didn’t take the agenda far enough, because Elsa had weaknesses and was still cowering under patriarchal fear.

Captain Marvel is a perfect Sunday School subject, because she teaches us that we should find a leader to take care of us and benevolently dominate us. We should give all of our glory to this strong figure and relinquish all agency of our own, because we will never be as strong as her, because we are not magical like her. Well, at least men aren’t.

This is a message that men desperately need to learn, the supremacy of women. Men need to fall down before the star emblazoned on Captain Marvel’s chest. And fortunately, it is a message that they are receiving. On the IMDB.com website that tracks movies, I noticed that many more men than woman are rating Captain Marvel. There were 25,646 votes from men versus 3,590 votes from women. Does this men are overwhelmingly the ones filling movie theaters? We can only hope. What’s even better, the vast majority of men voting were in the 18-44 age range, which means it is full grown men watching these comic book movies, not children. Pathetic but hopeful.

So how can brave Sunday School teachers incorporate Captain Marvel into their messages? Well, if you have some patriarchal Sunday School president breathing over your neck, do it stealthily. But otherwise be open about it. Wheel in the TV and just start playing the movie. Afterward, hold a discussion about what doctrinal changes the church should make to fall in line with this brave theology. Ask each girl in the classroom to stand up, tell them to repeat after you, “I am magically powerful, I am beautiful, and I am better because I am a woman.” And then have each male in the classroom turn to the girls and say the same thing about them. And then move on to LGTIBIAA+ issues and issues that involve other minorities. If you can, be sure to teach them about cis white males and their responsibility for climate change as well. This will make the children believe in equality, and after all isn’t that the goal? Everyone needs to be the same as everyone else.

This will really help boost the self-esteem of the girls, who are all constantly being harassed and bullied by the boys, and prepare them for life. We need to all give our money to the Disney Corporation and thank them for making the best movie ever made.

Attack of the Straw Danites

Report these troublemakers to your local constable if sighted!

Dearest readers, in the spirit of our sporadic habit to report to you those of the various events, dramas, debates, debacles, and debaucheries of the wider inter net that particularly concern our shadowy council, we are pleased to report the greatest victory Ol’ Scratch over our lions and lambs yet, which is the return of the Danites, you heard me, Danites, those scoundrels, scallywags and murderers that once terrorized the trails but were thought to now be used only by saintly women to scare and scold their spawn on stormy nights.

Continue reading “Attack of the Straw Danites”

12 Displays Of Toxic Masculinity At Temple Square

I went to temple square earlier this week and (mostly) had a good time.

A lot of changes have been made since I last strolled the temple grounds. There are a lot more sister missionaries to be seen, which was nice. I walked into the tabernacle and found my heart awash in gratitude for the progressive small steps the church has taken for gender equality. But then as I was leaving, an elderly man held the door open for me, and the reality of the church’s problematic misogynist culture set in. I rolled my eyes and sneered as I walked by. Walking around, I suddenly could see elements of this oppressive male-dominated culture all around. Where were the gender neutral bathrooms? All restroom facilities, free for use, followed harmful stereotypes. Where was the Starbucks? A truly safe space for women would have sugary coffee easily available for purchase.

1. Angel Moroni Is Male

(by Tojosan/Creative Commons)

Majestic above our heads, the golden statue silently blows his trumpet. But why does Moroni have to be a man? Aren’t women just as capable of blowing a trumpet? The day we instead see a golden statue of a woman raised up for people to worship we will achieve true equality.

Continue reading “12 Displays Of Toxic Masculinity At Temple Square”

Anti-Mormons Claim To Be Filming Porn In Latter-Day Saint Temple #DezNat

The Anti-Mormon individual responsible for the hidden camera temple videos that are on Youtube has said that he gave phony temple recommends to pornography actresses who have been in the temple and recorded footage. He suggests this was is in retaliation for the church pressing charges on him for trespassing.

The Anti-Mormon published this threat:

“I never said I wouldn’t sell them [temple recommends] to an adult film production company and give a small group of adult film stars a little training on how things operate in the temple so they won’t stand out. I may also have drawn them maps of a few temple interiors. If Mormon Jesus is not only not going to forgive my trespasses but actually aggressive [sic] prosecute me for stepping on his lawn… I’m going to show Mormon jesus how bad things can get for them. I suggest they hire a LOT more security. They’re going to need it.”

He claimed the video would be released November 5th, but in another post added that “filming began on Jan. 15th in the Jordan River Temple.” In other words, filming already began. It is unclear whether the filming that he alleges already occurred involves pornography or is just undercover video of the temple ceremony, considering he said “a porn star made” the recording of his just-released video of the temple ceremony. “Professional porn stars” recorded this new endowment ceremony video, he said. Is that the January 15th filming he is referring to?

Well, another post hints at the worst. In a rant against fellow Anti-Mormons, he said, “I can mock Elohim and record #sacredNOTsecret religious ceremonies and post them online and 99% of the Exmo’s are totally fine with it, but if two women have sex in the same room later that night after a bribed security guard lets them in everyone goes ape***.”

Anti-Mormon Community Applauds

As a top revered leader in the Anti-Mormon community, this stunt was met with mixed reactions. On the Ex-Mormon Reddit, one person simply responded “Nice.” On Twitter, an Anti-Mormon used it to tell disgusting lies about church history: “I’m just going to remind everyone that polygamous marriages were consummated in the temple back in the day. So, I find it difficult to condemn consensual sex inside a temple when child rape was their common religious practice.” Another Anti-Mormon on Twitter defended the stunt by citing Nephi and Laban, “Wow, you’ve never read the Book of Mormon have you? It’s not like @newnamenoah cut off somebody’s head so he could steal their property. But lesbian sex is going too far? What a twisted perspective you have.”

But not all members of the Ex-Mormon community liked it. Some foresaw the backlash that would result and lamented how it would tarnish the image of all of them. These Ex-Mormons were only worried about how it would hurt their image. Others were worried that it would hamper their efforts to sow apostasy in the hearts of others. “I have worked hard to make exMormonism respectable and show that we are heroically tossing open the curtain on an evil secretive cult for the benefit of those who have been harmed by it all.” Another member of the Ex-Mormon Reddit was concerned that this would make his efforts to corrupt his mother and lead her to apostasy difficult, “I have been very carefully loading her shelf with a couple items, this stunt would undo that… use your creativity to damage and destroy their credibility.”

From what I saw, only one lone voice has pointed out that gay sex in the temple may be witnessed by innocent church members, including children:

Well, yeah, in addition to trespassing, bigotry, and the targeting of a religion for hateful purposes. I guess everyone else was too worried about their public image and efforts to destroy their family members’ souls to think about that.

Remember That Poor 12-Year Old Girl Who Came Out As Lesbian In Sacrament Meeting?

Remember her? Savannah. She came out as lesbian to the congregation and the media went nuts over it. She stood up in fast and testimony meeting, read a script about accepting homosexuality, and Anti-Mormons secretly recorded it. Well, the same Anti-Mormon who allegedly gave these phony temple recommends to porn stars and trained them was the same guy who published that video of Savannah. In an interview with Anti-Mormon John Dehlin, he boasted about the hundreds of mainstream media companies that propagated his message and the hundreds of millions of views it acquired:

“There’s children that are convinced death is the only answer because their god doesn’t accept them for how they are and who they are. In June of this year I got a private message from somebody saying, “I have a video of a girl bearing her testimony in church coming out as gay and they shut her mic off…” Savannah: that is the bravest kid, the bravest person, that I have ever met in my life… I posted that video online on June 14th… so I started having all these media requests pouring in via email saying, “Can we share your video?” I mean big ones, CNN, and the New York Times carried it, the Chicago Tribune, the Daily Mirror, hundreds and hundreds of newspapers around the world that were publishing this and posting it on Twitter… by the end of the day on June 30th one hundred million people had seen Savannah’s testimony. By the end of August of this year, so after two and a half months, three hundred million people had seen her testimony…”

Will CNN, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and the hundreds of others report on these recent events with the porn actresses? I’m not too hopeful. It’s interesting that this Anti-Mormon and the mainstream news outlets burst into tears over a 12 year old reading a script about lesbianism, but graphic lesbian nudity in the temple that could be overseen by children? They love that.

The Anti-Mormon claimed of his phony temple recommends, “I made many of those recommends myself and obtained the rest without any false pretense on my part at all.” Well, that’s not really true, according to members of the Ex-Mormon Reddit:

They seemed to be under the impression that the temple recommends they sent to the Anti-Mormon would help people experience the temple with their families. That’s what he led them to believe in the interview with Anti-Mormon John Dehlin:

Mike Norton: “Very early on I obtained a blank temple recommend… I went to Kinkos. I made a hundred colored copies of it, and then I started going to Mormon websites, Mormon chatrooms, and I’d look for people that would say, “I’m so devastated by my daughter is getting married in the temple in three months and I can’t go because I’m not worthy, I can’t go because I don’t pay tithing, I can’t go because I don’t believe anymore. And I would contact them privately, and I would say, “I can get you a recommend…”

John Dehlin: “… But I’m seeing your eyes tear up. And I just want to make clear that, what I’m hearing from you say is you were moved and heartbroken at how the church used temple access and temple worthiness as a way to divide families and exclude people, and that was the emotional motivation for you sharing temple recommends… But I’m saying, you were coming from a place of empathy…”

Mike Norton: “Oh yeah, yeah….”

John Dehlin: “…and sadness for the way the church’s policies were hurting people. Is that true? Am I putting words into your mouth?”

Mike Norton: “Absolutely.. I just thought to myself.. I still believed in Christ, and thought, I just couldn’t comprehend the possibility that Jesus Christ would tell parents, “Oh, you haven’t given enough money to the church, so I’m sorry you can’t attend your only child’s wedding, I’m so sorry, so sorry.””

Those who were taken in by his promises and donated their temple recommends may be surprised that they are being given to porn stars instead of loving fathers. But those of us who know the leaders of the Anti-Mormon community and have seen their behavior aren’t surprised. Just listen to the raucous cackling of John Dehlin and his buddies as the Anti-Mormon describes how he created phony temple recommends. This is to be expected. That was always just lip service. How do you go from helping fathers attend their daughter’s sealing to helping porn actresses so they can perform lesbian sexual acts in the temple? Ask yourself that. Was it really all just about defiling the temple all along?

Well, there is reason to take this Anti-Mormon’s threats seriously, considering the amount of footage that he has secretly filmed inside the temple. This latest temple video being hosted by Youtube is proof that he’s still publishing them. But so far there is no evidence of this alleged lesbian porn tape and nothing besides his cryptic wild rants to get an idea of what really is going on. Many think it is all just a cry for attention.

The Linear Morality Fallacy

In the 21st century, our technology is more advanced than it has ever been before. Humanity continually refines, builds upon, and improves what we’ve already developed. Despite the occasional regression in advancement, technology is on a constant, upward trajectory of sophistication. This pattern is recognized by everyone and is an inherent part of our ability to create. However, as the world drifts further to secularism and materialism, people try to apply this model to everything. This is the linear morality fallacy.

A common refrain heard today is “the right side of history.” Being against any number of issues will get you charged with being against this right side of history. Leaving aside all the other problems with this, it rests on an assumption that, just like technology, morality is only ever improving and being more refined. People will point to the elimination of slavery, equality for women, and push for homosexual acceptance as evidence of this. Working backwards, they assume that history gets more and more morally backwards the further away you get from today. Even Church members fall into this way of thinking. However, this view of morality couldn’t be further from the truth.

Look at slavery in America. The popular view is that the further one goes back in time, the more hateful and racist people were towards blacks. As time advanced, people in the North became more aware of racial injustice until a war happened and slavery ended. Eventually, even the South became more open to racial equality, leaving behind their prejudiced history. As widespread as this view is though, it’s also wrong.

Researching the history of slavery, one quickly realizes the Founding Fathers thought slavery was a kind of necessary evil that would soon die out. They didn’t think the black man was supposed to be the eternal servant of white people, but that was just how it was now and would end soon enough. However, as decades passed, people began to get a different idea. They began to believe that it really was the purpose of blacks to serve whites. This was a complete reversal from before, a regression in moral thinking. The cultural thinking had gone from temporary evil that would be rectified to an inherent good. Slavery was no longer unjust. It was nature.

This moral regression led to the bloodiest war in US history before slavery was abolished. If people had instead held onto the moral truth that slavery should die out, it could have peacefully, but temptation and evil warped the thinking of many until good was called evil and evil good. And so, morality had not constantly improved but had slipped down until a calamity resulted, which then humbled the people until they accepted moral truth.

Church members know this from the Scriptures. Commonly called the Pride Cycle or Nephite Cycle, people would be blessed, become more wicked, be punished, repent, be blessed, and then it would repeat on and on until their ultimate destruction. Moral progression is shown to be a loop that cultures follow. Yet some members still hold on to this linear morality fallacy. They believe that any new cultural development must be good and that cultural regression is impossible. So they embrace many things contrary to the Gospel and teachings of Christ, arguing that this is simply how society is supposed to evolve. It is the “right side of history.”

History loops and cycles through it’s moral highs and lows. We cannot look to the fads and trends of the world to tell us what is ultimately right and best for us. Only Jesus Christ and His gospel can tell us that. Church members especially would do well to focus on developing their faith and studying the gospel in order to know what is morally right, instead of taking cues from the ever-changing and regressing world. There is no right side of history, but there is the right side of the Lord, and we would do well to be on it.

5 Feminist Decorating Tips For Your Cubicle

Women have made amazing gender gains in the workplace. We celebrate this progress as literally the best thing to ever happen to women. Participation in the labor force ensures all women have the right to spend all day staring blankly at computer screens, surrounded by acoustic cubicle dividers, sipping coffee to keep ourselves awake. It also gives us more money to consume cheap disposable items from Amazon and trying to relax on the weekends at day spas. At last, women have lifted ourselves from the dark days when the only way we were allowed to spend our time was smiling with our cute baby children, planting flower gardens, and selecting furniture for our three-bedroom homes. Now, we women are experiencing fulfilling lives like we were mean to, as menial labor machines for big corporate bosses.

Recently, as I trudged through the door of my apartment at the end of the day, I glanced over to a dusty corner and thought, “Wait, this is where I live?” I didn’t even recognize the place. The only time I really spend at home is to feed my cats and microwave my Velvetta cheese meal. I spend vastly more time in the restroom of my work building than in my bathroom at home. This is s a marker of progress. It is progressive that I have a vassal lord to provide all my needs, instead of selfishly arranging a living space that only I get to use. This is progress for the greater good.

When decorating the cubical box where you spend 14 hours per day, it is important to keep in mind this spirit of social progress and equality.

1. Check Your Privilege

A couple months ago, I complained to Human Resources about a male co-worker who had a university resume hanging on his wall. The resume is a symbol of the oppressive racial majorities which keep minorities from enjoying college education and other opportunities. Males need to keep this in mind when they feel the desire to hang certificates of achievement, photos of family, or artwork by children. It is literally harassment. But we women are not immune from the poison of meritocracy either! We need to remember to be sensitive to the LGTBQIAA+ community and others who may be offended by any decorations that are unique and independent.

2. Avoid Gendered Stereotypes

Despite heavy social conditioning from cradle to grave, some people still manage to perpetuate old-fashioned stereotypes. Any space that indicates differences between males and females is totally intolerable. This is why it is important to make your decorations as blandly non-specific to gender as possible. Instead of pink or blue, how about a nice dark gray? Instead of pretty flowers for girls or a poster of racing cars for boys, how about the same meaningless company slogan posted on the walls of every cubicle in the building? Make sure to report everything that could possibly be interpreted as a gender stereotype to Human Resources.

3. Proclaim Socialism With Religious Zeal

Today, it would be unthinkable to place a symbol of religion in the workplace. Like, who does that? A cross on the wall or a painting of Jesus would immediately result in a trip to the Human Resources office, we all know that. Even the most religiously backwards kook is careful to avoid publically admitting that he has faith. This is wonderful progress. It is everyone’s duty to report a religious person. But it is not enough to ban religious icons. We also need to replace them with symbols of atheism and Marxist philosophies. This is why I at all times have a giant poster of Che Guevara hanging next to my computer. It is a great reminder to me of the progress we are making as a society, but more importantly it is propaganda to remind everyone else that they must accept Marxism.

4. Signal Your Moral Virtue

Make sure to include at least seven items that indicate your status as an LGTBQIA+ ally. The more pieces of moral virtue, the better. You should wear rainbow pins on your vest, stickers on your purse, posters on your cubicle walls, inspirational covers for your phone, etc. How many pieces of moral “flair” are enough? As many as you feel comfortable with. But at least seven. And if your neighbor across the acoustic wall has more pieces of moral virtue than you, log on to your favorite Marxist Etsy shop and order ten more. Luckily, there are hundreds of oppressed classes that you can virtue signal for, plus the hundreds of thousands of intersectional combinations.

5. Display Proof Of Organizations You Financially Support

This is by far the most important virtue signal, and it is shockingly one that most people neglect. Progressives were out in force for the 2018 elections, reminding people to vote. Without this reminder, disenfranchized people literally are unable to vote, so it’s important. I went around the office and reminded every person of color, LGTBQIAA+ member, and woman to vote–I reminded each person at least ten times, per day. But this isn’t enough. We also need to provide a monthly financial donation (tax deductible of course) to progressive organizations, and print out the receipts and pin them on our walls. Not only does this reinforce a cultural expectation to pay money to pro-equality groups, it weeds out those who only pretend to be progressive and don’t put their money where their mouth is. Don’t want to fund progress? Don’t expect to work here for long!

These steps are important for building a safe, equal, and corporatly-benefical workplace.